her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Randomize
