you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
