i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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