You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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