so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
