So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Randomize
