I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
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