I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
