so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
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