i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
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The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
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I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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