I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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