I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Randomize
