Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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