smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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