even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Randomize
