My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
