I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I enjoy the company of your penis
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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