My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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