its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
