All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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