wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Randomize