jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
