dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Randomize
