I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
