The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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