This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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