why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
