we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Just high enough for therapy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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