I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
