This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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