Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
