OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
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