Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
