we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
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You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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