so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize