There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Randomize
