hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
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There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
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He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I FOUND THE LEGS
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize