it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
