life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
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