Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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