do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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