Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Randomize
