do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Gay?
German.
Pity.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
