Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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