If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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