Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Randomize
