last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
