just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
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I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
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Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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