Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize
