Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
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oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
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i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
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