Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Randomize
