How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
