Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I need a burrito and a hug.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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