put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
