She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
