My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
