I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
