I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
