I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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