just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
