She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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