so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
