You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize
