I just made out with a guy for $7.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
