Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Randomize
