I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
