I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
