I'm lost and stupid without you.
Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
