every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
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