I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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