How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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