you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize
