We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize