Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
