After last night, I could never be a politician.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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