ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
