It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
