SEEEEXXX PLEASE
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Randomize
