trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Randomize
